Mar 3

My life is now organized in 3-week cycles of chemotherapy. After discharge from hospital, my lungs have remained about the same. There are days I feel that death may be imminent if my lung collapses again or if an infection turns into pneumonia. Other times I believe that I may still live for a while and God has tasks for me to complete. I swing back and forth wanting to be with the Lord and to stay on earth with loved ones. Well, Philippians 1:21-26 (For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain…) Family and friends have visited during Chinese New Year and this past month. I am so blessed! Now saying goodbye is very painful as it may be the last time. In the midst of such pain I notice that my love for folks is deeper than I previously thought. Physically I am very skinny (90 lbs) now. I work hard on eating. Praise God for His constant supply of soup, dumplings, and desserts provided by loving sisters. They keep my appetite alive! May the Lord also nourish them richly with His love! I also do more breathing exercises. It is difficult to keep my motivation when you only see decline no matter what you do. I took the challenge to teach Sunday School with Victor on Sunday mornings. This immediately turns out to be the highlight of my week, keeping me focused on worship matters and the study of His Word. Otherwise, I feel quite purposeless as I have completed almost all my tasks on the to-do list. I am close to finishing another book with Victor on 10 healing miracles. Victor wrote the messages. I wrote the bible study questions, the applications for the sick and suffering as well as for the supporters/caretakers. As I do the editing and revisions, I am most delighted to say that I believe and strive to practice what I have written. [From day 1, I want to commit to His sovereign good will.] I am now enriching the content with a brief section on psychological perspectives. After I am done, what is next?! I worry a bit. May the Lord lead. Prayer Request: 1) To gain weight, 2) To breathe well, 3) To be hopeful despite the rising cancer marker, 4) To keep my spiritual focus. 出院以後， 我的肺沒有特變，現是還繼續每三周的化療。這些日子有時我在想死亡是否已經很近，一下的肺炎或爆肺，我可能便會完蛋! 有時我又感到可能自己還會有一些日子, 完成一些神的計劃。我深感保羅在腓立比書1：21-26的兩難，既想與主同在，也捨不得家人朋友和弟兄姐妹，希望能繼續同行天路。過年時得見一些親友， 深深感恩！ 但現在道別時想到可能是最後一次，心中萬分難受，自以爲瀟灑撇脫，其實心中很不捨！ 我只得90磅了，所以很努力去吃！感謝神透過姐妹的愛心，我有湯水， 餃子和甜點的供應，把我的胃口保住，願神也充充滿滿的以愛供應他們！ 我多做了一些呼吸練習， 有時動機很低，因爲只見身體慢慢的衰敗，沒有好轉的盼望，所以要以一個服侍神的心去做！ 我很高興跟Victor 一起教主日學， 這成了我每週所盼望的，也把我從低落中集中起來，敬拜神，讀祂的話，不然我會很茫然，讓疾病成爲我的中心。我也和Victor 完成了一本書，就是聖經十個醫治的神跡，他有信息系列，我負責查經問題，給病患/受苦者和支援者的應用。 當我重讀修改時，感到我是從心裏相信和實踐這些應用的， 從第一天開始，我就求神幫我順服祂的主權和旨意，願祂保守我直到見主那一天！我現在補上一些心理學的觀點，做完以後， 我就沒有什麽可做的了，願主引領！ 禱告事項：1） 增磅 2）呼吸好， 3）存盼望即或癌指上升， 4） 專心仰望神 Doris