May 8

It is difficult to write this blog entry because I am afraid it might be the last one. Now I felt quite relieved as this may be the last task to complete on earth. Thank you for praying with me in this journey as I sought to wait on the Lord. I also earnestly pray for His healing to have more time life on earth to serve Him. The Lord was quick to answer that His will would be otherwise. I have no contest. His will really is higher and the best. As I reflect, I would say that my only regret on earth is that I have missed out opportunities to set aside everything to serve Him because I was unwilling to let go of my pursuit of career success. I had falsely justified my vanity by saying that Christians in position of professional expertise (and power and success) can also be a strong testimony. Although this may be applicable to some people, we have to carefully search our hearts in the light of the Holy Spirit. Praise God that despite all, Jesus’ forgiveness and cleansing blood is all sufficient for even me! During the week holding off treatment, I had some good parties, celebrating the publishing of our book with Victor’s colleagues, dim sum with my supporting “soup ladies”, relatives visiting to say goodbye, etc. I felt quite content that I have completed what is needed on earth. If you feel like having a more personal goodbye, please app or email me so we can make a connection. I do not quite feel energized to have visitors. I shifted to a new chemotherapy last week. So far, I do not seem to be tolerating well as I was not able to continue this week. My pain is becoming very difficult to manage, with various side effects complicating things. I am so ready and eager to leave this body on earth. Lord, I wait on you,have mercy on me, hold my hand and take me to You。 這篇update 甚難下筆，也許心中預期這可能是最後一篇。但又有點釋然，也許在世要完成的快做完了！ 謝謝你們一直以禱告與我同行，等候神， 上期停藥我也切切求神憐，讓我能得醫治留世多作主工，但神很快便讓我知道這非祂的旨意，清晰明白, 我絕無異議， 因祂的意念非同我的意念。回想一生，感到遺憾的便是自沒有在合適時機放下事業全心事奉神，總覺得基督徒在一些崗位上更能見證神， 但事實是自己放不下世上的成就的追求。但神是有憐憫，祂赦罪的寶血洗净我! 停藥期間做了不少開心的事情例如和Victor的同事慶祝我們新書出版，答謝愛心女士們給我的湯水服侍，外地親友的道別探訪。我感恩我已完成了我世上所需做的事。 現也許是道別的時刻，如果你想要更個人的告別，請用電郵或短信聯絡我，我的身體暫時提不起精神來接待訪客。 上星期換了新化療藥，因適應不到新藥也暫沒辦法再打。又，我的痛楚已經控制不到， 因爲有不同的病癥及藥物副作用令事情更複雜。我已準備好和渴慕肉身能快離開這世界。主， 我等候你，求你不撇我， 憐憫我，牽我手到永生！