May 14 Food

Food has been an issue for me. It is a source of pleasure, responsibility and burden.

In the beginning, food is a source of pleasure! Mom rewarded us with snacks after homework, getting a good grade or simply being good. When I observed her cooking in the kitchen, she would cut a chunk of carrot or steam a piece of shrimp and stick it in my mouth. Lots of warmth and love associated with food!

In college I learned to manage cooking myself. Food was still a major source of gratification (now more complex than the simple pleasure)after a long day of study or a stressful exam. It was also important when partying with other students. Being a good cook was also associated with feminity - i.e. wife material. It was then my own responsibility to manage food purchase, cooking and clean up. It could be burdensome when busy and dangerously a craving on days when I longed to be cared for. When I started working and eating out became affordable, it gradually developed into a convenient way to reduce stress, to socialize with friends and to cut time spent on household chores.

After marriage and as a working pastor’s wife, food became mostly a demanding burden. First cooking is the primary household responsibility of the wife. Second I am now in charge of our health through proper food choices. Third a pastor’s wife needs to cook for others -- hospitality is important in pastoral ministries, especially in North America. There are lots of guilt feelings revolving around eating out and throwing away money, wasting time on cooking and dinner events and lack of motivation to improve cooking skills. My new guideline is 1) finish cooking, eating and cleaning up within an hour (with husband’s help), 2) eat out only with family and friends for socializing (or ministry) purposes for proper use of money , 3) “fast” food for lunch with the computer to save time, and 4) gratify self with food for good and bad events (due to limited sources of pleasures and stress-relief other than food.) My food choices are rather limited because I want to control time spent on purchasing (get the same thing from the same place without having to think) and cooking (quick and simple). I also like predictable pleasures ordering the same dish from chain restaurants – Starbucks mocha, Macaroni Grill seafood linguine, Maxim 雞鴨飯, ….

In illness food takes on a new meaning. It is now my primary duty! I can understand how people develop eating disorders – an excessive focus on food and eating is not good! Now I have to eat regardless of appetite. Nutrition is crucial and food preparation requires careful monitoring of hygiene. For cancer patients, environmental contamination is a scare. For breast cancer patients, my beloved chicken has suddenly turned into the ultimate estrogen-ized enemy.

“Give us this day our daily bread” (from the Lord’s Prayer) had been my prayer for a friend who has leukemia – to be able to take in food is a gift. Now I pray the same prayer for myself. I have to be thankful that so far my appetite is reasonablly well and I can take in food. After the chicken obsession and brief paranoia on germs a few days ago, I decide to further re-orient my attitude towards food.

I want to be thankful that God has given us every living thing for food. (Genesis 9:3“Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.” ). I pray for the healing of our water (2 Kings 2: 21-22) and our land (2 Chronicles 7: 14); help us take proper care of our environment so our food source can be healthy. I hope to receive (and enjoy?) food as a gift from God and not as a source of stress-relief and gratification of unknown emotional needs. I am not sure if I can take responsibility for health and nutritional needs within reasonable time and I pray that the Lord will guide me. [Perhaps there can be more 食療 restaurants and stores to help ignorant people like me!]

Now I am making an effort to “enjoy” trying new dishes since there is home-help to do the shopping and preparation of food. I can be the head chef. I had acne for the past few days due to perhaps side effects of chemotherapy or just lowered immunity. These pimples hurt! So I tried to put bitter melon juice on it to relieve the pain and then...why not cook a bitter melon dish?! Yesterday I tried bitter melon spareribs. First time I cooked this dish because I had always hated bitter melon. Surprisingly it was very good and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Coincidence or not, my pimples are better today.

Well so much for my food adventure! Give us this day our daily bread – may God bless us with the nutrition we need each day to strengthen our body for His use.