I would like to ask your prayers for discernment re: work life.
I have been praying about this since I was diagnosed with cancer and have shared my learning here and there in my blog entries. A few weeks ago, the Lord has reminded me of His call (I wrote about in Blog Entry on July 1st Answered Prayers). However since then I do not have any new insights.
As the new semester will start soon, I am feeling some anticipation anxiety again – like a small kid wondering whether I am up to par to meet the challenges of school. For a few days, I told Victor that I do not want to go back to work and would rather be a stay-home wife. Plus I do not want to leave him and go to Macao – since I have now become his very dependent wife. So this is a bit freaky to him (as well as to me)! Most of you know me as someone who loves work! I love to be in action and be with people. So I am not sure whether this is temporary (a chemotherapy side effect!) or what?!
Testimonies from folks who had been through cancer frequently mention a change in priorities, cherishing relationships and family time more than work achievements and success. In some way I expect such a change as well. However I have not figured out exactly what and how to change. It seems that the things I had been doing originally were good and meaningful. Yet somehow I cannot rewind back to prior-cancer days and move on from that same spot. I am an off track train that has lost its steam, not knowing yet how I can find my new track or crank up my engine. I felt unsure about my direction as I look ahead – How then should I live? What should I be doing?
I am also facing the reality of a potentially shortened life and some limitation in energy. I wrote the list of things that I would “like to do” – it is still very long! They range from leading a child relaxation group to trying a Sunday school curriculum on forgiveness to many other things… Some of these ideas may need to be shelved and I may need to grieve through a loss of some identities. Then there is the list of things I “have to do” such as program reports, academic writing, etc. Some of them require “responsible closure,” making proper arrangements to wrap up these commitments should the Lord steer me towards a new direction.
I am praying to wait on the Lord patiently and to discern His will.
P.S. In the meantime I am recovering slowly this week. Praise the Lord! Getting ready for the next round of chemotherapy next week.
It is a tough one. Again, I will pray for God's guidance on your decision making process.。Sometime, I guess it does not matter what you do. I tend to think what could glorify God most and/or most people could benefit from your humble work. God bless you. I support you with prayers no matter what you decide.
ReplyDelete行步見步！
Hi Doris. I will pray for discernment on your future direction in life and that you will be getting stronger for your next round of chemo.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to how you feel. I have been having similar feelings myself lately. As I face retirement next year, I am losing some steam also. Partly due to daily routine, and partly due to lack of energy and efficiency with older age. Some days I don't feel like going to work and feel I may be more productive at home. Like today - so took leave today to catch up at home. (Shhh...don't tell my wife.)
I have heard that at the end of a life, you will be remembered not for what you have accomplished or what possessions you may have, but for the relationships that you have built up with friends and family. Recently, the Lord has been speaking to me that in retirement He does not want me to just “take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” He wants me to be “rich toward Him”, “to seek His kingdom”, “to store up treasure in heaven.” (Luke 12:13-34) I don’t know what this means for me yet, but these are worthy life goals.
I am looking forward to retirement as a new start, a new beginning, a new adventure in this journey of life. Maybe after your chemo phase and all the other treatments are over, you will be (anxiously) ready to get back to work? Or to perhaps another life passion? May our gracious Lord guide you along His perfect path and will for you.
I appreciate what you've said before, "...knowledge does not make things better... just trust in the Lord..." Be strong in the coming chemos, for God is right here with you.
ReplyDeleteI don't think God will mind your final decision to get back to work or not, I just believe that God does mind 'we' call on the name of the Lord. No matter what decision you will make, never regret!
God bless.
Doris, Suzy is leaving on 13/8. Is it possible that we pay you a visit in Ma Wan? When is your next chem finished?
ReplyDeleteDear Doris,
ReplyDeleteI found touch by what you felt, since it's also a turning point in my life after my graduation. I'm also finding my way to go on, and yet there are people who gave me many advices and suggestions. but I know the decision is on me...
same on you, I think God made you face all of this for purpose..and all this experiences would become your lived testimonies. No matter what you choose, share your life with people & that's what Christians do~~support you
&
pray for your
Ricky